How to Say “Happy Birthday” to Someone You’re Fighting With

A birthday happens once a year which provides the ultimate opportunity to celebrate someone.

Birthdays don’t always come at the most opportune time though.

What happens if someone you are fighting with has a birthday?

If you don’t want to ignore the occasion, read on to find out some creative ways to say “happy birthday” to someone when the two of you are at odds.

😠 Why Do We Fight?

In an article entitled “Why We Fight” on the website Psychology Today, people argue for a multitude of reasons but defense is one of the most common.

Since the beginning of time people have been defending everything from their beliefs to the land they live on and the country they live in.

Sometimes defense is gallant and other times, it’s uncalled for.

If you are defending a boundary that needs to be stood up for, that’s one thing but if you are in defense of your opinion that cauliflower tastes good, that’s not really worth the argument.

Business Insider laid out six reasons people argue including:

  1. Power without respect. When a person is attempting to overpower another person they feel doesn’t pay respect to them, they tend to fight back with…a fight.
  2. Lack of sleep. When you are run down, everything tends to get on your nerves including other people. Arguments flourish when a person is sleep deprived and if you both are lacking sleep, the situation can easily get out of hand. With a good night’s rest or even a nap, the argument may resolve itself.
  3. Too rational. Getting too technical is hazardous to relationships. Arguing about every little detail can ruin friendships and damage relationships.
  4. Self-absorbed. If you are only concerned with yourself and your own thoughts and feelings, you won’t stretch to try to understand others and will argue at the drop of a hat which can quickly escalate into a full blown fight.
  5. Not kind to self. People who aren’t kind to themselves have no conception of self-care and self-respect so they don’t think twice about getting into scuffs, no matter how trivial.
  6. Lack of authenticity. Those who are not authentic tend to get into tiffs because they are trying to validate themselves. They may even sway from one side of the argument to the other because in reality, they have not true set opinions or values.

The reason you are fighting with the birthday person may determine how best to handle the situation.

If you are sticking up for yourself for a noble purpose, you may not want to back down.

Approach the birthday sentiment with caution so you don’t give in to a boundary you are attempting to establish. Don’t appear you are assuming guilt if the argument is a matter of respecting yourself.

It’s also important not to let pride get in the way. If the argument is over something silly, it’s not good to keep it burning.

Let bygones be bygones.

If you are in the wrong, a birthday is the perfect opportunity to say so.

Let down your guard and just admit to it.

There’s no shame in being wrong and the admission and a simple apology and gesture of good wishes is a chance for you to grow.

📐 The Long and the Short of It

Saying “happy birthday” to someone you’re fighting with can be an awkward and uncomfortable situation.

After all, it’s not easy to express your love and best wishes to someone you’re having a disagreement with.

However, with a little thought and effort, it’s possible to show your care and respect while still maintaining boundaries.

Here are some tips on how to say “happy birthday” to someone you’re fighting with:

Make a phone call

If you’re not ready to face the person in person, then a phone call is a great way to acknowledge their birthday.

Make sure to keep the conversation short and sweet. You don’t have to discuss the fight unless they bring it up.

If they do, keep it brief and simple and focus on the positive aspects of the relationship instead.

Send a card

If you’re not comfortable speaking to the person, then a card is a great way to show your care and respect.

Even if you can’t find the right words, writing a few simple lines wishing them a happy birthday will do the trick.

Give a gift

If you’re able to buy a gift, then this can be an effective way of showing your care and respect.

Pick something meaningful, something that will show that you still care about them even if you’re fighting.

In reality, the gifting is a form of bribery for larger favors expected later on, however.

Make a gesture of peace

If you’re ready to take the first step towards reconciliation, then make a gesture of peace.

You can offer a hug, a handshake, or just a few kind words.

This will show that you’re willing to work on the relationship and start fresh.

Listen to their feelings

If the person wants to talk about the fight, then don’t be afraid to listen to their feelings.

Don’t try to fix the situation or offer advice, just listen, and validate their feelings.

This will show that you still care even if you don’t agree with them.

Saying “happy birthday” to someone you’re fighting with can be difficult, but it’s not impossible.

How it All Wraps Up

Sometimes, the important thing isn’t about who’s right or wrong or who’s birthday it is or isn’t, it’s how valuable the relationship is.

With a little thought and effort, you can show your care and respect while still maintaining boundaries.

So don’t be afraid to acknowledge their special day and show them that you still care.

Cheryl Jerabek
Cheryl Jerabek
Cheryl is a professional writer that has been writing ever since she could hold a crayon. She has authored over 200 fiction and non-fiction books for teens and adults (both credited and ghost-written) on a wide range of subjects. Cheryl also writes blogs and articles on various topics and themes. Residing in a small mountain community in Southwest Colorado, Cheryl draws her inspiration from the gorgeous scenery, her 2 adult children, and 3 grandchildren. She enjoys traveling, party and event planning, and hanging out with family and friends. “I write so you don’t have to,” is Cheryl’s motto.

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